Thoughts of old age have been weighing heavily on me lately. Last week, one of my great aunts just moved in with one of her daughters in a different state. She’s been around since I was born. She’s tall, brash, German immigrant stock and says wildly inappropriate things to everyone. She fights like cats and dogs with those who will engage her, and easily cows those who won’t. She makes my sister cry on occasion. My aunt possesses what I thought was an indomitable spirit and though I don’t see her often, I never imagined her presence would be gone.

She is almost 90 and has a host of medical issues, which have never kept her down for long before. However, she has started falling and injuring herself. She lives alone and her kids decided to move her in with them. They came, packed her up, and left. No goodbye party. Nothing. I realized I will likely never see her again. She has a boyfriend (for almost 30 years!). I’m wondering if any of this was discussed with him or what he’ll do now.

My grandmother (88-years-old) is coming from Atlanta to stay with us for Christmas this year. I have made her plane reservations and she’s driving me quite mad. As much as I want her here, I do not wish to discuss the entire Delta flight schedule for December in detail for 1 hour every evening because it makes her feel better. My mom and sister keep reminding me, “She’s old and very afraid. Be patient.” I am patient – I’m still answering her same questions over and over and over and over and over.

Grandma is freaking me out. She was probably the strongest woman I’ve ever known, and she’s been diminished to this tiny woman who’s afraid of life in general. She’d rather sit and be depressed and alone instead of seeing family because she’s almost paralyzed with fear. She worries endlessly about things that are either A) nonexistent; or B) things someone else is completely taking care of for her. I want her to move here and move in with my remaining great aunt who’s now all alone and equally sad. Grandma would only be 10 minutes from my house and not be alone anymore, and I can take her wherever she needs to go. But she’s too afraid to move. It’s taking a monumental effort just to get the woman on a plane for a Christmas trip. I don’t know how we would manage physically packing and moving her from Atlanta.

My dad fell at work last week. He gashed open his ankle and sprained it, but he’s walking and working on it anyway. He really shouldn’t be working at all anymore. He’s so tired. He still works about 60-80 hours a week and hopes he gets laid off at the end of the year so he gets a severance package. Of course, he’s been saying they’re going to lay him off for 5 years. He’s been pining for some age discrimination, but they just keep paying him well, giving him bonuses and insuring him. The bastards. Dad has a lot of health issues that scare me. He needs to be where family can help him, but he still refuses to move by me and my sister. It’s ridiculous.

My mom ate a breast cancer (pink ribbon) bagel at Panera about 3 weeks ago and went into anaphylactic shock. She almost died and a kind stranger helped her through an extended period of grossness I won’t describe here, some passing out, and some laying on the disgusting public bathroom floor. She then somehow managed to drive herself home. I didn’t even find out until after the whole episode was over. I was furious she did not go to the emergency room! When she’s not having a health issue I could help her with, she’s having major meltdowns over retirement funds, health insurance, and the fact that Dad’s being such a bugger about moving. She seems stressed or sad (because she misses me, my sister and DD) pretty much all the time. Dad’s never home. He didn’t even have his cell phone on when she went into shock. It’s best he wasn’t by me or I would have… I don’t know, but it wouldn’t have been pretty.

MIL and FIL have been talking nonstop about their India retirement plans lately. They told us they want to move in 2 years. I find this to be highly unlikely as they have made no concrete plants whatsoever. But they still talk about it all the time and we have discussions about how travel will work, can they stay with us (yes), paying for things, etc. But MIL has been having serious health issues. I have other posts on how much I’m NOT liking this retirement idea, but they didn’t plan well financially to stay in the U.S., so there isn’t a whole lot we can do at this point. At least they have an alternative.

I won’t even get into details with my other Grandma (my mom’s mom). She’s an entire blog unto herself. Mom has talked recently about moving down here by herself just to take care of her mother. I don’t think this is a good idea – the moving yes, the taking care of Grandma, no. Grandma needs professional help and 24-hour supervision. She refuses to move from her home though and prefers to drive people insane instead. Grandma is obese and my mom cannot lift her, bathe her, or do her physical therapy. Also, Grandma runs my mom so ragged when she’s here that mom gets sick and takes a long time to recover. Plus, Grandma spends all my mom’s money on things she doesn’t need. Mom already pays for a bunch of stuff my dad doesn’t know about. My mom’s a marshmallow and can’t say no.

When we’re not dealing with or worrying about these immediate family needs, we worry about how we’ll afford the future. What if we have to support any or all of our parents in some (or all) financial way? And what about our own retirement and future health needs? And saving for DD’s college at the same time? Is this all even possible?

There is a very short period of adulthood where you don’t have to worry about aging parents and grandparents and your own retirement. I never appreciated it when I had it because I didn’t know what was coming. I don’t want to get old. I do NOT want to get old.

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