This past summer I was in the Deep South visiting my rents, doing the vacation thing. I was driving to the local supermarket to pick up some things and was listening to the local radio station. This part of the country is heavily African American so the radio stations reflect that.
He started out by saying “We’re not living in a black and white world anymore – intermarriage is really common now. How do y’all deal with being an interracial family? If you’re Black and marry a white woman who has children, how do you handle being a stepparent to white kids??”
That sort of thing. The title of the show was (literally) “Can I Whup Your White Child?”
I thought it was interesting that they had so many people calling in! They were mostly black/white couples, though, but that’s expected given the demographics in that area. One white guy said his stepdaughter hated him at first because he was white, but that she was really missing her dad (who was in prison.) His description of how he made peace with that girl brought tears to my eyes. “I just explained to her that even though I wasn’t her dad, I would love her and would lay down my life for her, no questions asked”.
I was also thinking that these situations are a lot less likely amongst Asians simply because the divorce rate/single mother phenomenon is extremely low in those circles. (We did have some visitors in the past who were single moms and marrying Indian men, though.) I think stepparenting must be hard even without the interracial stuff.
I will admit that the whole “can I beat your white kid” thing was a little offensive to me, but then again it was a joke. I don’t think white people on the radio would ever DARE name a show “Can I beat your Black child”, however. Can you imagine? So that’s a little irritating, but it’s the way our culture works right now. But hey – I can always just change the station.
Yes, offensive, at least to this white girl. And you have a good point about the reverse, but one could always argue white privilege. I’m just happy it’s being talked about- it seems like race is as taboo as religion or politics. A few frank-speaking interracial and intercultural people can begin some good conversations!
By: evenshine on October 27, 2008
at 8:37 pm
“but one could always argue white privilege.”
yep, they can and do argue that. I don’t agree though.
See? I hate my own culture. LOL
I asked Ang recently if we could move to another country (not China, though, since we don’t want to live under communist rule) and he was like “um, probably not.” However he did say that Singapore is a possibility… I’m doing some casual research.
By: chineseambassador on October 27, 2008
at 10:34 pm
It is kind of offensive to white people, esp knowing that the reverse could not be said without someone yelling “racist”. I turned on the Verizon Fios widgits the other day, and was looking at the daily news headlines the other morning and totally pissed to see they mentioned my small home town of Paris, Texas on it. I am so sick and tired of people there yelling racism. I am not saying it doesn’t exist, but the people mentioned in the article are known for stirring up or STARTING stuff, if you know what I mean. A lot of the story was missing facts known to most of the towns folk, and the people from there are sick and tired of being used as a boxing ring for the KKK and Black Panthers. Most people from there, of all colors, simply want to be left alone and not used to start a fight. I also get tired of minorities hollaring “targeted racism” when discussing the groups causing crimes. If the majority of that area IS the minority, the the numbers will show that they will be the group causing most of the crimes… it is simple probability, not racism/hate crime/sexism.
I can only imagine the difficulties of being a step-parent, especially of a child that is not racially or ethnically the same as me. I know my older half-brother dealt my mom misery, and STILL, at nearly age 40, tries to cause problems between my mom and dad. Some folks never grow out of their ignorance.
By: ara0062 on October 28, 2008
at 4:49 am
You might want to reconsider Singapore–they are for all means and purposes a ONE PARTY state. The People’s Action Party has been in power since 1959 when they first become self governed.
I was reading through your blog and I just don’t get why “white people” are so “ashamed” (that might be too strong a word, embarassed maybe) of being white? The whole white privilege thing, I dont get. When I came to the United States, I met a lot of white people just like me (I’m brown) who worked hard and in my eyes really didn’t lead a life of any more privilege than other people.
On the other hand, I never had any problems with being brown, I had problems getting a job being a foreigner but never because I was brown.
I guess, what I am trying to say is, that one day I hope to have kids, who will be half white. And I don’t want my kids to think that they did some thing wrong or that they had an unfair advantage because of their color. And I certainly want my kids to be pissed off if they listen to some radio show titled “Can I beat your white kid?”. Just because they are half white doesn’t make them the whupping boys of society!!
Plus, correct me if I am wrong, but do racial insults work upwards from a minority point of view? For ex. a black person can call a black person racial slurs but not vice versa because african americans are a minority and caucasians are a majority? Same with hate/race crimes? So if I extend that logic a bit, since I’m brown(Indian to be specific), I am a smaller minority than blacks, they outnumber Indians in the US. So can I get away with calling a black person a N***** but I have the right to be offended if he calls me a SandN*****? How does that work, can somebody maybe take some time and explain that one?
Cheers!!
By: thatIndianBloke on October 28, 2008
at 12:48 pm
For ex. a black person can call a WHITE person racial slurs but not vice versa because african americans are a minority and caucasians are a majority?
Sorry for the typo.
By: thatIndianBloke on October 28, 2008
at 1:03 pm
Hey – long time no see TIB!
I have been thinking about this, because honestly it is such a weird issue, and I can only see it through my own eyes.
Yes, the double standard is completely entrenched in our culture. Black people can say WHATEVER they want about any other group, and it’s ok. (The possible exception might be when Louis Farrakhan says evil things about the Jews. If you don’t know Lovely Louie, he’s the leader of the Black Muslim group Nation of Islam.)
This is accepted because it is common knowledge that there are some white people who are still racist. By and large it is not the problem it once was here, but there’s still a remnant. Anywhere you go, there will be some people who are stupid.
So the logic goes like this:
America used to perpetrate slavery. White Americans in the 1800’s owned slaves. Even though slavery has been outlawed and most white Americans are not even related to slaveholders, we are still responsible for that history. Even if you are a white immigrant from Europe just arriving here – you bear responsibility because your white skin earns you some advantage.
Now this advantage is called “white privilege”. The problem, as you noted, is that most white people are not rich. Not by a long shot. So it is difficult to tell a lot of blue-collar white people that they are privileged because of their color, and therefore “owe” something to minorities. But there are a lot of white people who suffer from guilt over this country’s history, and try to “make it up” to Black people by disdaining themselves. Seriously. White people hating themselves is totally hip here. We are blamed for all of the world’s social problems. (Not kidding.)
On the other hand, as I stated above, there are still racist white people in existence. So it’s just a vicious cycle.
Welcome to American Race Wars 101. And this election cycle has been the worst ever. Not only are fringe KKK freaks attempting to assassinate Obama, but Obama supporters are regularly on TV and in print, claiming that white people who don’t vote for Obama are racists. It is incredibly ugly.
I’ll take your advice on Singapore – Ang must not have been serious, because he’s pretty anti- One party rule. lol
By: chineseambassador on October 28, 2008
at 1:15 pm
“White people hating themselves is totally hip here” — hmm, if I have kids and they start hating themselves because they are half white–that’ll get em a boot up the arse right quick!! They’ll have plenty of reasons for self loathing once they get to high school. lol.
So black people have the market on suffering all cornered up hunh? I guess I should start making white people feel guilty too, there might be a payday in there somewhere. After all the brits(white, the whole bloody lot) did rule India for over 200 years and exploited it ruthlessly. Or maybe we could just get an Indian to become the richest man in the UK–Laxmi Mittal (owns like the largest steel company in the world).
I spent a lot of time in the UK and I do admit there are racist elements there but I really didn’t ever find the level of hatred that I find in the US. I just don’t get it and I really hate this self loathing bit. None of my white friends was alive nor were their parents when India was under british rule (and that was ONLY abt 60 years ago unlike Slavery which was abolished by Lincoln) so I find it a bit ridiculous to hold them responsible. But thats just me.
I went to school in Alabama so I came across my fair share of racists but I think this notion of only white people are racist is misplaced. I present a clip to validate my point:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NyvqhdllXgU
I do think that if people don’t vote for Obama because he is Black then they are racist but I also belive that if people vote FOR Obama because he is Black then they are racist as well!! I dont think there is positive or negative racism–there is just Racism.
Another question, maybe you can clear this up? So when I have kids tomorrow, I guess they don’t have a chance to be mixed right? They are always going to be Asian American even though their mum is white? Because looking at Obama, thats what I see. Obama says, dont judge a man by his color but by his moral and ethical values. Well his dad ran away when he was 2 and his moral and idealistic compass was set by his white mother and white grandparents so wouldn’t that make him white? Then why does he proudly claim to be an African American? Isn’t that giving credence to the very thing he is fighting against–namely looking beyong the skin color? Is that vote bank politics or does it stand true for children of all races? If you have mixed blood then you are going to be of the same ethnicity as the darker skinned of your parents?
By: thatIndianBloke on October 28, 2008
at 1:56 pm
Lord I don’t think I have the appropriate qualifications to answer all of those questions! I’d need several PhDs in sociology and African Studies to attempt it.
You’re having kids tomorrow? really? lol Well you’re right – there are so many other reasons for self-loathing, that most people just keep their heads down and try to avoid race topics. Life is hard enough without bearing the extra burden of being the source of all of the world’s ills.
Those other things you mention are just more of the double standards that are accepted here. If 95% of African Americans vote for Obama, there’s no racism in that. But if Obama loses the election, it will be because white people are racist. That’s just the way it is here.
I didn’t make the rules and I can hardly understand them myself.
By: chineseambassador on October 28, 2008
at 2:06 pm
oh – and I have heard on the television that if your skin is brown, you are automatically considered “minority” even if you are half white.
I heard it on TV so it must be true.
My best advice is to ignore all of this crap and just raise your children to celebrate who they are. We believe God made each of us and that He loves variety! My kids are not going to be taught that white people are the source of all evil, because we think every human being has the capacity for great evil and great good.
Of course, that makes us fringe Christian freaks. muhahahaha.
Early voting started in my state today so I’m going to the polls. I have to wrestle the boys into the van and it’s going to take an hour, so I gotta go. Maybe CBC will have better answers…
By: chineseambassador on October 28, 2008
at 2:13 pm
Yeah – because I’m SO qualified to answer any of those questions! Ha!
I have to go to Target and run some other errands, so I will ponder this today and get back to you guys on my thoughts. A good topic for discussion this week!
By: colorblindcupid on October 28, 2008
at 2:50 pm
“If you have mixed blood then you are going to be of the same ethnicity as the darker skinned of your parents?”
I doubt it. There’s always a box on the questionnaire for “mixed”. Obama’s a different ball game, since he uses race as needed. And we all do, to some extent. If your kids are mixed, and there’s a college scholarship for minorities, which box do they check? The question of race is complex, absolutely, but that shouldn’t keep us from talking about it. Especially as parents of mixed-race kids.
chineseambassador- “if your skin is brown, you are automatically considered “minority”- of course! It’s what people see. Visible minorities have a much harder time of it. It’s what makes me scared for my kids- that attitude of judgment based on the visible.
By: evenshine on October 28, 2008
at 2:58 pm
“I doubt it. There’s always a box on the questionnaire for “mixed”.”
I wish that were true. There was no box for “mixed” on the forms I filled out for kindergarten, so my daughter is officially “Asian” in the eyes of the government. The person in the office told me to check whatever box applies to the father.
“It’s what makes me scared for my kids- that attitude of judgment based on the visible.”
Let me tell you from experience: don’t be afraid. These fears are almost completely in our heads. I have 3 children, 2 of which definitely “look minority” – and they are treated well wherever we go. So far I have not experienced the slightest bit of racism against my kids, and we lived in a mostly white area before we moved here.
and dang that was QUICK. voting early is the way to go – - no LINES!!
By: chineseambassador on October 28, 2008
at 3:37 pm
Thanks for a great discussion!
I strongly believe white people aren’t the only racists. I also agree that the perception is that mixed kids are the ethnicity and identity of the darker parent. I don’t like it, but that is how it seems to be.
I don’t think this election was only about Obama. I do agree it is weird people label him and he seems to label himself often as a “black man” when he is mixed.
This election is also about how the Republicans present themselves. McCain and Palin have a lot to answer to also in regards to race–things said at their rallies, the accusation made by the girl in western PA, Palin’s “more american” comment, etc.
I do hope the country can come together when the election is over and work on bettering the country as one.
Many of these issues are ones I think about a lot. I am writing a blog post on these things..
By: Minnesotameetskarnataka on October 28, 2008
at 4:16 pm
[...] 28, 2008 · No Comments Thanks to chineseambassador and thatindianbloke on ColorBlindCupid for a thought provoking discussion about race. This post is a response to their [...]
By: Response to “Can I Whup Your White Child”? « Minnesotameetskarnataka’s Weblog on October 28, 2008
at 4:22 pm
TIB, wonderful responses! Especially about voting for or against Obama based on color! That’s the same with voting for or again McCain because he has a woman, Palin. As for Obama saying he’s proud African American, I actually heard someone interviewing him on tv, and they mentioned him getting the “black vote” and he told them to hold on just a second, that he is NOT African American, and that he is not white. That he is both and proud to be both, that he does not identify with one side more than the other. I was quite proud of him for standing up and saying he was mixed, which is honestly what almost all Americans are deep down the line, whether they be white, brown, black, purple or blue LOL. As for your children, they will be what you let them identify themselves with early on, but will form opinions later in life as well.
I usually tell people I am mostly Native American.. notice I put mostly, but usually tell them as well that my grandmother was 1/2 British. For a long time, I marked caucasian on ethnicity boxes, but for little over a year now, I have been checking either the Mixed or Other box, and if not given the option, I leave it blank.
There have been times when a few black people have thrown the race card at me since my skin color is ghost white, and I throw it right back. I look at them and say, “excuse me? Last time I checked, I AM more Native American Cherokee than anything, so I sure as hell do not appreciate your racism towards me and my culture.” It’s not that I like throwing it at them, but sometimes you have to throw it back at ignorant or uneducated people to make them stop and actually think about what they are saying. I don’t like stepping down to their level, but occassionally, it must be done. I have used that line on others too, not just blacks, but mostly it was them at the time using it.
By: ara0062 on October 28, 2008
at 4:31 pm
“I do hope the country can come together when the election is over and work on bettering the country as one.”
That seems to be the hope of many people this election. Unfortunately all signs point to this country being even more divided then ever before. I’ve never seen the levels of hatred and derangement as I’ve seen this time around. It doesn’t matter who wins – either way, nobody is going to be unified.
By: chineseambassador on October 28, 2008
at 4:55 pm
“These fears are almost completely in our heads.”
Hmmm…not my experience, but OK. I wonder, however, about the difference in perceptions among the minorities. Asians don’t seem to carry the stigma of black or hispanic- but that could simply be my geographical area.
And I agree with you- I don’t think Obama is likely to unite a country so divided. This election has been rife with the lowest forms of attack, and it may be some time before “we” can feel like “we the people”.
By: evenshine on October 28, 2008
at 8:22 pm
Well, I know that Ang was freaked when we were expecting our first, wondering if she was going to face prejudice in the classroom etc etc etc.
It turned out to all be worry for naught – Our daughter has made friends everywhere and nobody has muttered a crass word at any of us. So yes, I feel like our fears were “all in our heads”.
Ang faced some crappy stuff because he was an adolescent poor immigrant with no English or barely any clothing, in a rural all white area in pennsylvania. He totally “Gets” feeling like an outcast. That’s what he was worried about.
I’m going to tell you a dirty secret about prejudice:
it has to do with money. Not color.
By: chineseambassador on October 28, 2008
at 9:09 pm
evenshine – your experience may be more similar to LG’s (see her old posts). CA and I noticed we have not had similar race experiences with our children as LG has had with hers (Hispanic/Guatemalan). It has made me wonder (and we’ve had old conversations about it) if people don’t subconciously (or unconsciously) “rank” races and attribute positive or negative characteristics. I’ve only experienced reaction to an Indian-looking child, which has always been positive (or just no reaction to her race at all), but that didn’t seem to be what LG experienced (or anticipated at the least).
By: colorblindcupid on October 28, 2008
at 9:11 pm
Interesting…that would seem to validate my theory that there’s a hierarchy of minorities. I’ll peruse LG’s old posts. Thanks!
By: evenshine on October 29, 2008
at 11:41 am
I agree that there is a hierarchy of minorities, definitely. Chineseambassador is right– that oftentimes prejudice has a lot to do with money.
By: Minnesotameetskarnataka on October 29, 2008
at 6:05 pm