Posted by: colorblindcupid | May 6, 2008

New Matrimonials

It’s that time again. Here were my favorites from my magazine this time (truly, if they’d print the articles in English, I really would have something else to read!). My comments in brackets (typos appear as printed, and I left the personal descriptions out):

US based sister and brother-in-law seek alliance from honest [Liars need not apply] and well settled Professionals for … wise, fair, good looking. [The "wise" part just made me giggle. I don't know why - don't recall seeing that before. I just get a picture of an old wise woman, when I know that's not what they mean.]

Parents invite alliance from well educated, never married before well educated handsome boys for their beautiful daughter… [Did we say well educated? Because we really only want well educated applicants.]

… parents seek alliance for their MD daughter, slim pretty, genuine, outgoing daughter … MD preferred. Caste no bar. [Our other daughter is SO FAKE. But this one - she's really genuine.]

Handsome Investment Banker in XXX … Income above $200K, US born & Graduated (with honors). … family seek interest with details & photo from a nice, fair US employed professional girl above 5′ 2″. [I can't figure out if I like the first half, or if I should roll my eyes. On the one hand, you just put out there what the prospective bride families really want to know anyway. I like that they were just up front with it. On the other hand, well... I get a mega superficial vibe - like they're not even making a pretense of pretending they don't care about these things. Is that what you want for a husband? Or at least his family (he may be great). As for the girl, I think they should have written it different to match the first half, because that part is all matrimonial pretense. They should go with their in your face style, like the first half - something like, "Bitchy, dark skinned, short women need not apply. We'll just throw your biodata in the crapper."]

Two words I always find useless funny to use in these ads:

“handsome” - Of course you want attractive people, but really - what parent of a prospect (or the applicant themselves) is going to go, “Well… if they only want handsome people, my kid is just too ugly to apply.”? Also of note, EVERY single one of the Male Matrimonials listed the potential groom as “handsome.” I’m thinking if they were all so gosh-darn handsome, they would not be blind advertising in a magazine.

“fair” - I know I always say this, but seriously, they just need a blanket statement at the top of the page (”All potential brides and grooms featured here are fair.”). Then these people can use up their word limits with something more useful. Come on - every single girl is not fair and beautiful, and all the supposedly “handsome” grooms’ families shouldn’t be narrowing the potential applicants anymore than they already are. Besides, as with “handsome” above, who is really not going to send a pic because they think their child isn’t “fair” enough? And it’s just ridiculously vague anyway - how fair? If they’re going to use it, they should be really specific, like, “Seeking Brach’s Caramels shades and lighter only. A nice shade of whole wheat bread would be perfect. Graham cracker and darker shades need not send biodata.”

I will say I was pleased this time to notice not one ad called the girls homely.

For a hysterical (and slightly gross) matrimonial, check out rabbit647’s blog, The Rabbit Gets His Day. I’m pleased to know other people find some of these as funny as I do.

Posted in Colorblind Cupid Wrote This, Dating Struggles, Dumb Stuff, Funny Stuff, Indian, Marriage

« Mildred Loving Dies
Amen! »

Responses

This whole thing strikes me as silly. And yes, superficial. What if this handsome investment banker with the big salary has an evil temper, or is selfish?

Thank goodness these women have a choice about these arranged marriages. (They do, right?)

And the constant harping on fair skin. geez!

By: chineseambassador on May 6, 2008
at 2:41 pm

Yes, they do have a choice (I’m sure there are some that don’t, but that’s probably *really* rare). In fact, some of the kids don’t even know their parents are placing these ads - they may not be on board with the whole arranged thing, but if they’re not getting married themselves, the parents sometimes start trying to get potentials hoping to present their child with some options - hoping they’ll agree to at least meet some of these people.

That’s my point - they’re written so silly. You don’t get or give any real info. And seriously - there are only so many slim, fair, beautiful/handsome, genuine US educated, MDs/engineers with “well settled” parents to go around. And I’m betting they don’t need to take out an ad. LOL

I have no issue with the arranged marriages themselves - I just think the ads (that the parents usually write) are hysterical.

By: colorblindcupid on May 6, 2008
at 2:59 pm

Oh yeah - I LOL at the auto generated links! Gee - I wonder why Google thought this one should be linked?: The 7 Powerful Whys to Losing Your Weight Without Dieting. hee hee hee

By: colorblindcupid on May 6, 2008
at 3:00 pm

Hmm this is my first time reading any of these but your points are vaild and funny!

By: whiteymcwheatbread on May 6, 2008
at 8:03 pm

I was wondering why that particular post had a sudden spike in hits. Here’s my biodata.
http://rabbit647.wordpress.com/2007/06/29/bio-data-personal-ad/

By: rabbit on May 6, 2008
at 11:23 pm

Omg, barf! CBC these are too funny and I love that you’re bringing them to light. And CA, I would bet my entire life savings (from investment banking, LOL!) on the fact that the guy, if he is a banker, is both selfish and angry. If he wasn’t angry before, banking has a way of making everyone angry at life, and the people in it are generally selfish (1) by nature and (2) highly encouraged to be selfish (indeed, you really have to be, to justify giving over 100 hours a week and interrupting your vacations and weekends and family time to go to the office on no notice as you are expected to). No banker is a family guy. It might as well read, “Sell your soul for prestigious-sounding spawn and matrimony!” And I have to tell you, for a banker, $200k is not much. He may actually work in IT at said investment bank, not in the bank itself.

By: BerkeleyGradStudent on May 6, 2008
at 11:30 pm

Well then.. no wonder the guy’s parents are taking out an ad!

I would be mortified if my parents took out an ad like this on me. LOL Didn’t Bad Indian Girl have a section totally devoted to this?

http://www.badindiangirl.com/Matrimonial.html

hee hee

By: chineseambassador on May 7, 2008
at 12:13 am

Nice blog, very entertaining….See, in India, when arranging marriages, you can only really match on what you can see (the externals, the superficial). That which you cannot immediately see (personality, character etc etc, the stuff that REALLY counts in a marriage, if you’re asking me) can not be matched with any accuracy.
Fairness in Indian culture is everything, the crown of creation. If you are fair, you are almost guaranteed a partner in marriage.

By: Badmaash Chuha on May 7, 2008
at 2:22 am

I love these. My fave this time was the ‘girl doctor.’ No mention of career other than MD, but she’s pretty, thin, and outgoing.

By: Wry on May 7, 2008
at 3:10 am

Hahaha, I like rabbit’s post haha. Funny :)

Yeah, uh CBC, I was wondering that link also.. I thought WTH? what has THAT got to do with THIS page? hehe

By: ara0062 on May 7, 2008
at 6:29 am

The best one I have seen so far:

Innocent issueless divorcee, no encumberances.

Excuse me but: innocent divorcee? Do that simply mean, no, it’s not MY fault, it’s HIS?!!!!

Issueless? What could that mean? Without issues? get real darling, EVERYONE has issues!!!

By: Badmaash Chuha on May 8, 2008
at 3:20 am

Does “issueless” mean no kids?

Or are kids only referred to as “encumbrances”?

LOL

By: chineseambassador on May 8, 2008
at 4:56 am

who knows!!!
Another funny one years ago in South Indian
newspaper:

Boy with gammy leg looking for……

(Huh?)

But how sad it is, I knew a lovely guy in Ratlam, Madhya Pradesh, a few years back. He had had polio as a child. His one leg was shorter than the other. He had his own paan shop, doing well. “settled” (all the right stuff) and was a really lovely guy… They could not find him a wife, because of his disability, which was not even a disability in his life….

On the other hand though, I have heard of websites for disabled Indian people in India. Really amazing, this would never have existed, say 5 years back….

Such conradictions. The rest of India is truly out of sync with the new cashed up and savvy middle class living in the cities…

By: Badmaash Chuha on May 8, 2008
at 6:28 am

Issueless and no encumberances both mean “no kids” - I’m not sure why she put that twice in that ad? The “innocent” part makes me think maybe it was a annulment - like they got married and disolved the marriage before any hanky panky happened. KWIM?

I see a lot more ads for people who are widowed (which makes me sad) - but those ads are normal and probably the only ones not messing around with dumb stuff like “fair” and “handsome.” There’s a TON more ads for divorcees, too. When we first got married, I never saw that. Now, it’s a chunk of the ads.

I never though about disabled people before w/ arranged marriages. Is it very hard for them to find spouses like that man? That’s really just horrible if it is.

By: colorblindcupid on May 8, 2008
at 3:14 pm

When you are matching by the externals, the they have to be perfect. This is very sad, and very superficial…

By: Badmaash Chuha on May 9, 2008
at 6:51 am

I don’t know why they have to take out ads, when they could just meet and socialize with other people at their temple. I mean, that’s what Christians do. (LOL) Go socialize at church. They even have “singles” Bible studies. That way you are actually meeting people and not judging them on an ad.

Maybe the Indian communities here aren’t large enough to supply a big singles crowd at the local temple?

By: chineseambassador on May 9, 2008
at 1:39 pm

I haven’t heard of singles events at the temple, but G’s community does a big North American convention every other year, and in the off years, they do a “youth” convention for the under-30 crowd. From what I’ve heard, the youth conventions are giant hook-up parties. So that’s one option to meet people, if you don’t want to do matrimonials. (G and his brother’s reaction to the craziness that happens at the youth conventions is “ew! you could end up fooling around with your cousin and not even know it!” since they’re almost all related somehow.)

G’s cousin’s husband was divorced. It was an arranged marriage and they called it quits within the first few months. We joked that it was scandalous that the cousin got married to a divorced man (especially because they’re in India, not the U.S.), but the family took it in stride. He’s a great guy, and they have two beautiful children and are very happy. But once again, I managed to find the anomaly of Indian families, so YMMV.

By: D on May 9, 2008
at 3:06 pm

I don’t think our temple does singles events either, but Telegus do the same conference thing complete with a youth hook-up event. Saresh has told me some stories. But he said he wasn’t that thrilled with the youth conf because a lot of the girls were literally there to find a husband, and they pretty much came with the same list their parents would have put in a matrimonial ad. If he wasn’t in med school, his parents didn’t have the right amount of money, etc., then they might make out, but they weren’t interested in pursuing anything serious because their parents wouldn’t approve of “the match.”

He only went to a couple, then he met me - hee hee.

I think the singles events at the temple would be a great idea, especially since so many parents are frustrated that their kids aren’t getting married. Our church has singles events as well, which is very nice. I keep wanting my sister to move here so I can get her to some church singles events! I need some nieces and nephews, man!

I’m not up on my abbreviations - what does YMMV mean?

By: colorblindcupid on May 9, 2008
at 3:34 pm

YMMV = “your milage may vary.” It means, you may have a different experience/point of view than me.

By: D on May 9, 2008
at 3:45 pm

this is off topic, but I’m sitting here looking out the front window and three indian women just walked by with their kids. I have noticed that the neighborhood has suddenly seen a huge influx of Indians, and I’m surprised only because this city is 50% Hispanic.

Every night for the last week, I’ve seen Indian families and couples walking by….and it’s never the same people twice! And when I drive down the street, I know which houses are Indian because there are 50 pairs of shoes on the front step. :)

I like this neighborhood because I get to feel like a minority. LOL Seriously. I must be the only white chick in this block. And I think Ang is the only Chinese too. I’m enjoying this, can you tell?

By: chineseambassador on May 9, 2008
at 3:48 pm

YMMV - Dang - I should be putting that at the end of every post! LOL

Ah… the shoes. I was going to write a post on that because it’s a trait I like and that all the interracial couples seem to adopt right away!

By: colorblindcupid on May 9, 2008
at 3:56 pm

OMG you’re going to die. Another Indian woman just walked by with a little girl (looks about 4 years old I’d say) - two words….

bowl. cut.

By: chineseambassador on May 9, 2008
at 4:41 pm

“Every night for the last week, I’ve seen Indian families and couples walking by….and it’s never the same people twice! And when I drive down the street, I know which houses are Indian because there are 50 pairs of shoes on the front step.”

LOL! I hope this doesn’t sound horrible, but my fiance (I’m posting about him so often now that I’ll just call him R) and I sometimes play a little private game of “Spot the Desi” when we’re out and about…we try to point out to each other (surreptitiously, of course) when we see other Indians! It’s always surprising how many Desis we see…I joke with him that “Your people are taking over!” ;)

And the shoes thing…I’m gradually converting over to the no-shoes-in-the-house cultural phenomenon. As part of our effort to completely organize and remake the house, we recently bought a bunch of shoe racks that hang over doors, so our shoes are no longer chaotically littering up the entryway… :)

Oddly enough, though, he and his parents keep a bunch of sandals (they call them “slippers,” which to me means something entirely different) outside the entry to the kitchen, and we’re supposed to put them on when walking around on the kitchen’s tiled floor… I think it’s because the tiles can be cold, but I’ve found this to be kind of hard to get used to (I have trouble remembering to stop and put them on before going into the kitchen)… Is this a Desi thing, or just a personal quirk, I wonder? :)

By: mocroidh on May 10, 2008
at 4:10 pm

Ever since I moved into my own place I have always tried to keep a no shoes on in the house rule (it really does cuts down on the mess).

As for the slipper thing, I know some asian families who do this but it is when you enter the house not the kitchen. I think it is a different but neat idea. I think in the asian culture it might be religious.. but I could be mistaken.

By: whiteymcwheatbread on May 10, 2008
at 9:03 pm

mocriodh, my MIL does the same thing with keeping some “slippers” in the kitchen. Hers are more like flip-flops.

By: D on May 10, 2008
at 9:28 pm

My in-laws, too - they’re sandals from this big brand made in India, who’s name escapes me. I bet yours are the same. I got a chuckle when I watched the Namesake, because when they’re visiting India, the family hosting them tells the servant to go out and get sandals from that company, “only” from that company. I should go look in our closet. Saresh has about 3 pair!

Their garage has shoes lined up from garage door all the way to the inner house door, with the sandals (a.k.a. slippers) either right by the door or right inside in the laundry room leading into the kitchen.

Whitey - they take shoes off before going into the gods’ room - that was all I could think of religious-wise with the shoes?

By: colorblindcupid on May 11, 2008
at 6:32 pm

Leave a response






Your response:

Categories