It’s that time again. Here were my favorites from my magazine this time (truly, if they’d print the articles in English, I really would have something else to read!). My comments in brackets (typos appear as printed, and I left the personal descriptions out):

US based sister and brother-in-law seek alliance from honest [Liars need not apply] and well settled Professionals for … wise, fair, good looking. [The "wise" part just made me giggle. I don't know why - don't recall seeing that before. I just get a picture of an old wise woman, when I know that's not what they mean.]

Parents invite alliance from well educated, never married before well educated handsome boys for their beautiful daughter… [Did we say well educated? Because we really only want well educated applicants.]

… parents seek alliance for their MD daughter, slim pretty, genuine, outgoing daughter … MD preferred. Caste no bar. [Our other daughter is SO FAKE. But this one - she's really genuine.]

Handsome Investment Banker in XXX … Income above $200K, US born & Graduated (with honors). … family seek interest with details & photo from a nice, fair US employed professional girl above 5′ 2″. [I can't figure out if I like the first half, or if I should roll my eyes. On the one hand, you just put out there what the prospective bride families really want to know anyway. I like that they were just up front with it. On the other hand, well... I get a mega superficial vibe - like they're not even making a pretense of pretending they don't care about these things. Is that what you want for a husband? Or at least his family (he may be great). As for the girl, I think they should have written it different to match the first half, because that part is all matrimonial pretense. They should go with their in your face style, like the first half - something like, "Bitchy, dark skinned, short women need not apply. We'll just throw your biodata in the crapper."]

Two words I always find useless funny to use in these ads:

“handsome” – Of course you want attractive people, but really – what parent of a prospect (or the applicant themselves) is going to go, “Well… if they only want handsome people, my kid is just too ugly to apply.”? Also of note, EVERY single one of the Male Matrimonials listed the potential groom as “handsome.” I’m thinking if they were all so gosh-darn handsome, they would not be blind advertising in a magazine.

“fair” – I know I always say this, but seriously, they just need a blanket statement at the top of the page (”All potential brides and grooms featured here are fair.”). Then these people can use up their word limits with something more useful. Come on – every single girl is not fair and beautiful, and all the supposedly “handsome” grooms’ families shouldn’t be narrowing the potential applicants anymore than they already are. Besides, as with “handsome” above, who is really not going to send a pic because they think their child isn’t “fair” enough? And it’s just ridiculously vague anyway – how fair? If they’re going to use it, they should be really specific, like, “Seeking Brach’s Caramels shades and lighter only. A nice shade of whole wheat bread would be perfect. Graham cracker and darker shades need not send biodata.”

I will say I was pleased this time to notice not one ad called the girls homely.

For a hysterical (and slightly gross) matrimonial, check out rabbit647’s blog, The Rabbit Gets His Day. I’m pleased to know other people find some of these as funny as I do.