Several times last week, people participating in this site stated that they wished to be “colorblind” to race and to raise their children to be colorblind to race as well. Their goal seemed to be to “not notice” and, therefore, to live in peace and harmony among people of all colors and ethnicities.
My question is this: how does one “not notice” a person’s race? Race is a central part of every person’s identity, so it would seem to be quite impossible to strip to that away. It would also seem to be a tremendous loss to do so.
Martin Luther King, Jr. looked to the day when people would be judged not “by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” He never asked that we not notice their skin color. Let’s talk!
I think when people say they want to be colorblind – it doesn’t mean they won’t see someone’s race. That’s totally impossible!
What they mean is that it won’t make any difference in their initial judgment of that person’s character. At least that’s what I assumed.
By: chineseambassador on January 28, 2008
at 7:40 pm
I agree with you that it would be a tremendous loss to “not notice” race. It’s important. Let’s keep talking about it.
By: fightingwindmills on January 28, 2008
at 8:19 pm
I agree with CA. It’s not that I don’t notice the person’s race…it’s just that I ignore their outer looks to get to the real person..the person underneath the outer shell. It means I try not to assess someone simply on their looks alone. It’s not possible to notice, but it is possible not to let that affect judgement I suppose is what I am trying to say.
By: ara0062 on January 28, 2008
at 8:39 pm
I thought this post from The Angry Black Woman was interesting because she mentions this issue in passing towards the end (after commenting about Bill Clinton): http://theangryblackwoman.wordpress.com/2008/01/28/political-monday-we-are-in-a-historical-moment/
I wonder if different races don’t feel differently about how much impact being that race actually has on them – I don’t think I’m making sense though. Argh – work brain!
Do we want people to think about our race, or not? I think both ways have implications. I remember Tom Cruise going on like a nut one time about how he refused to “label” his kids as interracial and we were all one race so no his kids were not mixed race – they were just human. While I wouldn’t choose him to be a great representation of anything, I think his sentiment stayed with me because I thought it was ignorant in a sense that he could do his kids harm by basically pretending they weren’t mixed race. This was something other people would notice, and of course regardless of what he wants to pretend, his kids do look in a mirror everyday. And aren’t there things to be celebrated about your own race (or races)?
I wonder if it’s possible to instead of trying to be “colorblind” per se, recognize someones race without attributing negative things to it – just recognize that it’s a factor in making them who they are?
I feel I am babbling and not articulating anything well so I’m going to stop now.
By: colorblindcupid on January 28, 2008
at 8:59 pm
I read a book once called the Lathe of Heaven. In it, a man would dream and change history. A crazy shrink got hold of him and figured he could fix the world by implanting suggestions for the man to dream. Such as “peace on earth,” etc. Well, the man had a woman he loved. He was white, she was very dark, very ethnic.
The shrink asked him to dream that there were no more race problems. No fights, no anger, that we all got along. That will fix everything, right?
When the man awoke after this dream. Everyone was gray. There were no variations in skin tone. The woman he loved ceased to exist, because color was part of who she was. He was devastated because by trying to erase race, he erased her.
I try to teach my kids to value people. That everyone comes to the table with different experiences and different histories. We are all worthy.
By: saintseester on January 28, 2008
at 10:45 pm
One cannot be colorblind to race, lets face it , we are on here taking about it. I think we have to be appreciative of every one right from the Incas to the Egyptians, each of us has something unique to give, to enrich th other.
We have to rid it of the baggage, it carries, the stereotypes, the stigmas and it should start at home.
By: 6mile on January 28, 2008
at 11:30 pm
Tom Cruise refusing to label his kids as interracial is exactly the kind of thing that gets people into trouble. You can’t bury your head in the sand and say that we are all just “human” (or “grey,” as in the book saintseester described), yet there are people who think that to draw attention to “difference” (or to racism) is to create a problem where a problem doesn’t exist.
I like this from saintseester: I try to teach my kids to value people. That everyone comes to the table with different experiences and different histories.
By: LoveGenerously on January 28, 2008
at 11:58 pm
Being colorblind to race to me is treating everyone equal and not letting their race define them or how you feel towards them.
What we talked about previously was to let our kids be kids and not have to worry about all of the issues that comes along with grown ups and race..meaning.. Grown ups always want to define themselves as a race instead of what Tom Cruse is saying..which he is crazy but to me he has a point. We are all human and if we treated everyone them same without noticing the race it would be better. It does not matter the differences in races. What we believe and do to me is different than our race itself…. I hope my thoughts came out clear enough for everyone else to follow.
By: WhiteyMcWheatBread on January 29, 2008
at 12:47 am
Ok maybe this example will work since I used it last week.
When I was 5 my best friend was black. I was totally innocent of racial differences, so in my 5-yo ignorance I asked her if “she was Norwegian too”. She busted a gut, and I couldn’t figure out what was so funny.
It’s not that I didn’t notice her color – of course I did! I knew she was different from me – but exactly HOW she was different, I wasn’t sure. That’s why I asked the question! But I liked the fact that I had no preconceived labels to put on her. I certainly learned the differences as I got older, so I didn’t turn into a racist because I wasn’t taught all the proper terminology.
Now here is an even better story:
When I was 2, we first moved to southern Ohio from Minnesota. Being Scandinavians from the cold north, I had never even SEEN a black person until we moved to OH – just white people up til that point. (I was only 2!) My parents had never had any sort of discussions about race with me (duh), because I was so little and it just hadn’t come up.
My dad tells the story of the first time I saw a black man, standing in line at the grocery store. My dad was holding me, and the guy was standing in front of us in line. This dude was apparently REALLY black – you know what I mean. His skin was sooo dark compared to anyone else I’d seen up til that point, that I was stunned when I saw him.
My dad said I leaned into his ear, and whispered really scared “Dad….is he a bad man?”
For some reason in my 2 yo brain, having skin that black actually SCARED me! My dad said he was so surprised, that he whispered back “No honey, he’s just a black man, he’s got different colored skin than us. It’s fine!”
After he reassured me that there were lots of people in the world with different colored skin, he says I was fine with it – and obviously I must have been, since I never developed fear after that. But I just was thinking how weird it was that I was immediately afraid of that man – as a baby – with no prior reason to be scared.
I think maybe it’s just because babies are scared of anything they perceive as outside of their comfort zone, or outside of what they know. That’s why they cry so hard when you leave them with the sitter the first time.
I think if parents make it seem normal, then you don’t develop racist attitudes. In our case, since we were Christians, we talked about how God loves variety, because look at how many different looking people He made (animals too!) – so it was a good thing – something to celebrate.
By: chineseambassador on January 29, 2008
at 2:34 am
I agree with wmwb, we should treat everyone as equals. kids are like empty vessels and adults should let them be.
and tom cruise is right all of us are humans and should be treated alike, each person is unique…..they speak the same language diffrently, have a diffrent taste in music, we don’t even walk alike.
The popular media is sometimes at fault, broadcasters should be careful at what they broadcast.
Your so right CA, my parents have been open to new things and when i was really young my mom used to get me folk tales from all around the and i was always fascinated and curious at the same time.India has a very strong caste system……which i feel is very disgusting. Growing up ,when i went to school, i happen to meet kids who think its the normal thing in the world…..they had already formed the option, and its soo hard to change it, Id get home so angry and yell, over the years we have had a lot of heated discussions about it at home. Sometimes , i just dont like the comfort zone I am in.
By: 6mile on January 29, 2008
at 3:06 am
I know this is a bit off the topic..but still along the same lines. Do any of you have pets that tend to be racist? I know this sounds crazy, but my dog ALWAYS, except for 1 time only, growls at black people. Not brown people such as Hispanics or Native Americans. I have heard this happening with a few other people. I just wondered if animals could rationalize that or if it was simply because we have brown, white and red, but not black in my parent’s household. Sorry..I was just pondering it..
By: ara0062 on January 29, 2008
at 4:48 am
I don’t think animals are racist in the sense you mean. They do, however, recognize race or racial characteristics (that I’ve seen at least). They may associate something, either good or bad, with an entire stock of people based on an experience they’ve had.
For example, my dog runs and hides from Indian children, and completely ignores Indian adults – this is all based on her experience with them. The Indian adults on the whole are either frightened of her (she’s a 9 lb toy poodle, btw) or want nothing to do with her, and many of the kids aren’t used to being around dogs and they will play too rough with her or chase her. So as far as my dog is concerned, if she sees an Indian person, she’s not willing to find out if they’re an exception in her book.
And we had a Golden Retriever when we were growing up and she was TERRIFIED of men in ball caps. We don’t know what happened to her, but we think someone in a ball cap hurt her before we got her, so no one (except my dad, whom she could recognize immediately) could were a cap around her or she’d just go crazy.
My guess is your dog had something happen to her, probably by a black person – or she saw something that frightened her.
I don’t think it’s color based either because I don’t think dogs see in the same color we do, so it’s probably a specific trait(s) she’s picking up on.
By: colorblindcupid on January 29, 2008
at 2:59 pm
I wasn’t really using Tom Cruise as a good example.
I think as far as kids go we sort of diverged on two separate issues (in my mind at least): discussing racism with your children versus discussing race with them. I think when and how you introduce the first (racism) will vary greatly from the 2nd – just introducing the idea of different colors. Which is where I was going with TC being a bit off on what sounds like a good thing, but in raising children, I think it’s naive and potentially harmful to them to pretend they are not mixed race. And just in general – you can still treat everyone as equals and not base your treatment of someone on their race, but I don’t think the goal should be ignoring race because it’s there and it’s a good thing. Saying we should ignore it is almost like saying there’s something bad about it – so we should pretend we’re all the same, when we’re clearly not.
WWMB said: “We are all human and if we treated everyone them same without noticing the race it would be better. It does not matter the differences in races.”
I guess that’s the issue because even if it were possible to not notice race, would that be a good thing? I don’t think so – like in saintseester’s book example. It sort of has the same effect as the “we’re all going to end up one tan race” – nobody here seemed to really like that idea in the end, and it’s not just because it would be boring.
Different doesn’t equal bad, so I’d be more interested in pursuing how we can notice race (because it’s impossible not to), acknowledge it as something that makes that person who they are, NOT automatically attribute baggage to it, and go from there.
I think race is important to people, especially in defining themselves. I don’t know that I’d want someone to automatically discount my race. In some respects, noticing someones race may even give you an initial insight into how to interact with them – a starting point, whether it be you are the same race or something else. There’s a connection to be made.
By: colorblindcupid on January 29, 2008
at 3:13 pm
I disagree CBC. I do not think people NEED to define themselves as a race. I think that is what causes a lot of tention among different races towards each other.
By: WhiteyMcWheatBread on January 29, 2008
at 6:42 pm
I agree with CBC on the difference between discussing race and discussing racism with your kids. I think I was annoyed with the idea that as a good parent, I needed to be informing my preschoolers on how lots of people hate each other based on their skin color – rather than just letting them explore their multi-racial friends in innocence.
Racism is something I don’t discuss yet because frankly I don’t think it will do anything but hurt and scare them, and I don’t think it’s necessary at this stage. It’s like the preschoolers who can recite all the adult terms for genitalia – really off-putting when a 3 yo knows what penises and vaginas are and different sexual positions.
(and yes, I am related to a flaming left-wing liberal arts professor who taught her very young children all the sexual positions. She was a complete nutbag, and her kids barely made it out of childhood with their sanity intact. They were far more wordly and “educated” than their peers, and it did nothing but hurt them.)
Tom Cruise is an idiot though. *rolling eyes*
By: chineseambassador on January 29, 2008
at 6:49 pm
this made me think of another potentially brawl-inspiring post….hee heeeee
By: chineseambassador on January 29, 2008
at 6:57 pm
I know what you’re getting at WMWB – but I don’t believe it’s their defining themselves as a race alone that is causing that tension. I think that’s what I’m wanting is a way that people can like the fact that they are a particular race without that having to cause tension. I don’t know if that’s possible or not. I’d hate to think we actually would have to become one giant tan race in order to eliminate racism.
CA – sexual positions? Uh – ick! DD knows the very basic terminology for parts, but we still like to pretend there’s no such thing as sex as far as she’s concerned.
By: colorblindcupid on January 29, 2008
at 6:58 pm
It looks like I checked back at precisely the right time! I’d like to comment on two things.
1.) WhiteyMcWheatBread and CBC are debating exactly the point of my original post: whether some of us value and pursue a life of “not seeing” race. Their discussion confirms that, yes, some people do value and pursue such a life, but it doesn’t answer my question of how it is possible! How can you not see the physical attributes that are right in front of you? It seems that the only thing you could do would be to see them and make them mean “nothing,” and that doesn’t seem very real to me. Help me understand! (Honestly, I’m not trying to flame you, I’m really trying to understand!
)
2.) chineseambassador, I can’t remember how old your oldest child is, but I think my oldest (at 6) is a little older than yours. You may remember that our recent discussion about racism and slavery began when my son asked me who MLK Jr was. In answering his question, I followed the advice of the expert I quoted in this blog the week prior in my post about talking to your child about racism. She advised taking opportunities that presented themselves that weren’t personal to talk about racism. After learning about MLK Jr., my 5-yr-old daughter wanted to know more and followed up with more questions. The fact that she asked tells me that she was ready to know more. I was not forcing the topic (and I was not sharing any sharing any info about sex organs or positions either! LOL!) She is very interested in race and has been for a long time. You may fee differently when your children are a little older. It’s nice to preserve their innocence, but you can only do that for so long.
By: LoveGenerously on January 29, 2008
at 8:38 pm
I think what’s most important here is HOW race/ethnicity or WHATEVER effects individuals. Some people may be “down” with things that are pertinent to their ethnic background while others may not (i.e. think about the wide variety of Indian dudes we talk about on here). Or, individuals might even dispute what truly IS pertinent to their racial/ethnic background altogether.
The important thing is to ask questions with an open, non-judgemental mind to get at what people value. I mean we can sit around and speculate what’s important all day but we’ll never truly know until we start asking questions and engaging in constructive dialogue. We’ll never really know what matters to people unless we put ourselves in their shoes…or their skin…for a while.
Wearing corn rows may mean A LOT to one African American’s identity but nothing to another black guy.
Baseball and hotdoggs may mean a lot to Ara’s American identity but not to mine.
My guy is shaving his head this summer during a Hindu ritual whereas I doubt Saresh would find significance in this or even have the desire to do this. However, maintaining close family ties seem to be very important for both of them.
No way is better than the next—just different, individual representations within racial, ethnic contexts.
If you look at this racial/ethnic thing on the macro level it’s a big, confusing mess. On the micro level, things start to make more sense…
By: Inbetween on January 29, 2008
at 8:58 pm
Okay – this is OT, but Inbetween I about spewed when you mentioned the head shaving thing and Saresh not doing it because… Saresh shaved his head a month ago!!!
Of course this had NOTHING to do with Hinduism (since he’s Christian anyway). It had to do with going bald. He’s been saying for years he was going to do it as soon as his “peninsula” started breaking off into an “island” of hair. Well, the island started to form and he did it over X-mas break. I was going to write a post on it. He thought his mom would be horrified, but she didn’t say much – his dad was the one who hated it. He still seems like he can’t quite get over it!
By: colorblindcupid on January 29, 2008
at 9:07 pm
OMG that’s HILARIOUS CBC!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By: Inbetween on January 29, 2008
at 9:08 pm
And, I realize I just spelled hotdog, hotdogg. Must be the Snoop Dogg party on my brain!
Btw, I don’t believe all you size four, big boobed *&^%$es. HAHHAAH! Kidding! R says he’s going to have to chain me to him at the SD party because…heh hem…black dudes tend to like my curves and flava!! (not all black guys of course—you know, to maintain consistency with my earlier point).
By: Inbetween on January 29, 2008
at 9:15 pm
haha IB I agree with what you said:
“If you look at this racial/ethnic thing on the macro level it’s a big, confusing mess. On the micro level, things start to make more sense…”
LG you said:
“How can you not see the physical attributes that are right in front of you?”
It is not that I cannot see the race it is that I rely on what a person says and does not what race they are.
By: WhiteyMcWheatBread on January 29, 2008
at 9:53 pm
I was raised in Ohio. I was raised to hate blacks. I learned, on my own and very quickley, that hating anyone for a physical attribute was just wrong.
Fat kid in school. I learned. o.o
Anyway, moved to Cali, met my man. Wasn’t until 3 or months into the relationship that I realized that I was in an interracial relationship.
He’s East Indian. And I love him very, very much!
Ask me if I will ever date a black man though, and I will tell you that I can’t. I know that it’s wrong but it’s like asking me to walk with two left feet. It can be done, but it’s not really all that comfortable. I can hang out with them, be best friends with them and talk to them like they are anyone else, but I can not date them, kiss them. . . and I am ashamed of it.
I dunno. I think we, as a generation, are evolving. We have been evolving in that we have different reasons for selecting mates. Color is slowly fading, I think.
Meh, Just my 2 cents.
)
By: dorkieshe on January 30, 2008
at 2:31 pm
Hey – I was raised in Ohio too! Do you mind saying what part? Because I had a pretty opposite experience as far as the racial hatred goes…. I’m from the southwestern area….
By: chineseambassador on January 30, 2008
at 2:36 pm
dorkieshe, I admire you honesty. Thank you for being so forthright. Keep sharing.
By: LoveGenerously on January 30, 2008
at 9:14 pm
Yeah its an interesting thread. I’ve run across a few people who are totally against african americans but OK with others. One person i met told me she was raised to hate blacks and i asked him im dark too, she said her parents told her nothing about indians.
By: 6mile on January 30, 2008
at 9:40 pm
“One person i met told me she was raised to hate blacks and i asked him im dark too, she said her parents told her nothing about indians.”
wow that is just freaky. I can’t even relate to that so I won’t even try.
By: chineseambassador on January 30, 2008
at 9:58 pm
I think it’s a matter of “who affects my life.” If they’d never come into contact with Indian people, or not much, that would explain it. Also, the Indian population in the U.S. on the whole tends to be affluent. And there’s no history in this country with Indians (and many other races) – no baggage, anyway. I would imagine that when the major experience people have with an entire culture consists of affluent, well-mannered professionals who have no animosity or dark history with your own culture, I think that plays into it.
I don’t think racism is all about color only. People attach culture to it as well.
By: colorblindcupid on January 30, 2008
at 11:51 pm
It was pretty hard for me to hear ca…….., most of the indians at where i live are masters students. it made me feel bad.
indians are no better, when my roomie see’s a barbie…he’s busy ogling ….when he sees a black girl he turns his hear around, lol……been trying out cognitive trickes on him……. brainwashing him a, telling him how our dravidian’s came from africa, egypt and all…..and it seems to be working wonders…he feels more associated with them.
By: 6mile on January 31, 2008
at 1:26 am
I don’t want to be colorblind. I want to not be color conscious. I think there’s a difference. Color consciousness is when we are judging people by the color of their skin, we are making judgements like dark-skinned black women are ugly, or emasculating, or fat. All light-skinned black women are cute or stuck up. Blondes are dumb, Brunettes are brainy, etc. To be colorblind would take away our uniqueness. I don’t want to be stripped of my ethnicity, I’m proud to be an Afro-American of Native American and Scot-Irish descent!
By: opinionatedasallgetout on February 1, 2008
at 6:23 pm
To dorkieshe – You don’t have to be ashamed or apologetic for not wanting to be with a black man as long as you are ok being friends with black people and are ready to treat them as an equal. Much like yourself, at this point of time, I also cannot picture myself with a black girl but I’d be ok being friends with them. But you know, life is unusual and unpredictable and it has a tendency to surprise you in ways you least expect so I haven’t discounted the possiblity that I may one day meet a really nice black girl and would want to be with her for the rest my life. Because when you meet someone, spend time with them and get to know them and like them then their outer appearance just goes out of the window and you start seeing them just as a person that you like and everything else doesn’t matter anymore.
By: sachin on February 3, 2008
at 7:46 am
South-Central Ohio
And CBC, you bring up a scary point:
If I was raised to hate Indians, instead of Blacks (African Americans?), would we be together?
Same man, different shade.
*shutter*
Damn those parents who teach such hate!
By: dorkieshe on February 3, 2008
at 2:55 pm
Welcome to opinionated (we all are here!) and sachin!
By: colorblindcupid on February 3, 2008
at 5:17 pm
[...] I, and people in general define an interracial relationship. Someone commented on the recent “what does it mean to be colorblind” thread that they didn’t realize they were in an interracial relationship when they [...]
By: What is the Definition of an Interracial Relationship? « Welcome to Colorblind Cupid! on February 5, 2008
at 3:36 pm
Hey,
In the spirit of black history month and your post on colorblindness I thought I’d share a link to a short film I made about a group of young activists who use a person of color for selfish propoganda. It sound harsh, but it’s a comedy. It’s appropriately called “Color Me Blind”. Hope you enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bALpBCwvHWM
Will
By: Will on February 8, 2008
at 3:42 pm
That’s a pretty good point there Will.
By: ara0062 on February 8, 2008
at 6:17 pm