Posted by: colorblindcupid | December 6, 2007

The Indian Head Bob

Not knowing Telegu hasn’t prevented me from understanding what’s going on. There’s an affectation to the language that entrances me and allows me to understand quite a bit of many conversations - I call it the Indian head bob. The head bob makes a myriad of words we use in English entirely useless, while conveying a wealth of information. To perform the head bob, one must wag their head from side to side gently many times while uttering the “Mmm” sound. I can’t perform it well (most likely due to being raised an English speaker), but I have mastered deciphering it. The head bob can be used to convey all kinds of messages, from the simple to complex:

Yes

No

I don’t know

Okay - I hear you. Keep going.

I’m listening

I totally disagree with that

You’re pissing me off, but I’m not ready to fight with you quite yet [otherwise known as the angry head bob]

I’m not so sure about that

I totally don’t like that idea, but I don’t want to have to give a reason why

That was kind of funny, but not funny enough to actually laugh

That wasn’t really funny, but you get a courtesy bob so you’re not embarrassed by your bad joke

I hear what you want me to do, but no way am I going to do that, so I’m just going to bob and maybe you’ll shut up about it

I’m bored now, but if I keep bobbing, the person talking to me may not notice I’m not paying attention to anything they’re saying [I so wish I could adopt this one sometimes!]

As the answer to “Why didn’t you vacuum today? I asked you to do one thing, and you didn’t vacuum? Why not?” [or insert whatever honey-do chore you like there]

Some people are way more animated with the head bob than others, so I’ve become accustomed to reading facial expressions with it, and how the “Mmm” is muttered at the same time to get a better read on the message the bob is sending. Also, the head bob is performed while speaking on the phone, which I really find interesting as the other person can only hear the “Mmm”, but can’t see the bob, but they can still understand the message.

What really fascinates me is that 99% of the time, Saresh NEVER does the head bob. But… if a relative calls from India and is speaking in Telegu, or Saresh is listening on the phone to his parents speaking Telegu (or the off chance he’s speaking it himself), he’ll do the head bob. It’s like his brain takes him right back to when Telegu was all he spoke.

I have no idea if this is just a Telegu thing or not, but from reading on other Indian blogs, I think it’s fairly well distributed about the whole culture.

Posted in Colorblind Cupid Wrote This, Dumb Stuff, Indian, Language, racial stereotypes

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Responses

ha ha ha. Ok, call me racist. But, I had students at the college where I taught that did this. It drove me nuts, because, with most of them, they would often seem to be bobbing the head up and down (as in yes) AND side to side (as in No) AT THE SAME TIME. So, If i asked if they understood something about an assignment, and I would get that bob, and I never knew if they were saying yes, no, or I’ll get back to you on that.

By: The Therapist on December 6, 2007
at 3:54 am

I loved learning and doing the Indian head bob the 2 months I spent in India! When my husband came out to meet me, he thought at first that I was giving him attitude :) I practice at home every so often.

Racist Schmacist. I think we are ALL racist at some level, however shallow or deep. I love reading your entries and observations - you are rubbing elbows, figuratively speaking, with a very different culture on a daily basis. How could one not expect a little friction? This is your blog, for you to work out your issues. Thanks for sharing your experiences with us.

By: Danielle on December 6, 2007
at 7:22 am

Hehehe. Love the head bob and the myriad of possibilities it bestows! Colorblindcupid, all I can say is those negative comments towards you are basically bunch of bunk. Onward ho in interracial relationship land!

By: Inbetween on December 6, 2007
at 2:10 pm

One reason I looooove this blog, is that it puts so many things into perspective for me!!

This is completely OT of your post, but it’s about being called a racist. I’m a bartender, and last weekend I had a couple who wanted to do more shots in a short period of time than I would allow them. They were upset that I wouldn’t let them get falling down drunk and asked for their check. I gave them their credit card slip, which they signed without tip. Then…they continued to stand there and talk to someone. I may have overreacted, but I was sick of it and told them they could leave for wasting my time. Didn’t go over well. The woman ended up saying that I just don’t like black people (the couple was black), to which my regular who she was talking to friendly-like up to that point, told her that he was disappointed in her for “going there” when I was simply doing my job. It still bugged me all week though, that since I didn’t hear her say it, I get to be the racist, when she is the one who made the racist comment (and her comment was racist), all because I was obeying the law and she wanted to be above the rules. Now, watching you get called a racist, I feel a whole lot better about the whole thing. Sorry for the long ramble! I really must get my own outlet here on the interwebz.

By: Leah on December 6, 2007
at 2:24 pm

You gals rock. Thank you!

My husband and I were discussing this thing this morning, about how you know when you should ignore something someone says about you, and your brain knows to do it, but it takes a while to go away - like your nasty bar lady, Leah. How come that happens with bad comments, but the good ones don’t stick like that? We always remember the bully kid from grade school and the ONE time he smacked you, but it’s hard to remember all the really good things in the same perspective.

Anyway - I could NEVER be a bartender. I worked at Hardee’s (Carl Jr’s for all you West Coasters) when I was in H.S., and that was enough “tending” to people in a service industry to last a lifetime. I can’t imagine serving adults who are drinking liquor and having to decide if I need to cut them off, or put up with their rude comments, etc.

If you do get your own blog, let us know so we can read. :)

By: colorblindcupid on December 6, 2007
at 2:56 pm

*hugs*
I think since your blog is provocative and sparks active discussion then you are doing a great job. As blogmistresses you are not speaking as authorities on any subject, but by sharing your experiences you help other people understand their own experiences. I think this blog is helpful and humorous. There’s no need to dwell on criticisms, but you can learn from them and take care to frame your posts as personal instead of general. Becoming too politically correct can take away from the spicy appeal of this blog, so you’ll have to decide how to censor yourself and not let other people decide that for you.

By: fightingwindmills on December 6, 2007
at 3:31 pm

Thank you - I guess that’s true. It’s hard to walk a line between getting your true feelings out, and not wanting to offend people you actually care about. When you’re writing more for yourself and about your own feelings, you take less care with the way you say things sometimes (at least I do). I have a tendency to write how I would speak to my husband, and we talk about these things in just that way, which isn’t always the way they should be phrased when presented to others even though the message should be kept the same.

I know that the beginning of the Tips post in particular was a bit harsh, which is probably what prompted the response in the first place - there was some nasty discussion amongst the in-laws that took place earlier in the week regarding the dating and marrying of white people, and I was upset and ended up writing that. Though I’m well aware that not all Indian parents “bludgeon” their children into marrying who they want, I could have toned it down a bit - perhaps I should not write posts when I’m still seething. ;)

Although, the post I was going to originally put up that day had to do with the push to become a doctor - another cliche. I’m still putting that one up though next week.

I was tempted to say, “Can’t we all just get along?” But if we could, there’d be no point to my blog at all!

By: colorblindcupid on December 6, 2007
at 3:41 pm

I went to Japan and had a lot of stereotypes confirmed rather than blown out of the water. I lived there for 3 years and was actively in search of people who defied the stereotypes. It was a big shock to me to find out that just because something is a cliché doesn’t mean it’s not true.

By: fightingwindmills on December 6, 2007
at 3:47 pm

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