***EDITED TO ADD: Since writing this article, I have found my wedding program (well, MIL had extra copies, God love her! 
) You can find the link to our wedding program here: Our Wedding Program.***
BAH! I cannot find my wedding program. A few months ago, I found a whole box of them, and I threw them away except for one, and now I can’t find it! BAH! I’ve spent more time tearing apart my office and memory book stuff than it’s going to take me to write this post, so I’m going to give this my best shot from memory. There are other posts on why we didn’t do a strictly Hindu service, so I won’t include that here.
If you’re thinking of doing a mixed service instead of just Hindu or one of each (Hindu and whatever other religion), maybe this will give you some ideas. When we were planning our ceremony, I was somewhat at a loss as to what to include. One of my best friends had a good Indian friend who was Christian, and had been to a few mixed Christian/Hindu weddings. He’d saved the programs (God bless him!) and lent them to me for ideas.
We got married in a United Church of Christ and the ceremony was primarily Christian, but the church allowed us to do some Hindu ceremonies as well. The whole service took about 45 minutes. For scripture readings, we had two readers – one who read scripture from the Bible, and Saresh’s cousin, who read passages from the Bhagavad Gita. We were able to find scriptures in both that mirrored each other about love and the responsibilities of husbands and wives. When I find that blasted program, I will add the exact scriptures for you.
Here’s where I’m fuzzy on the order of things. I believe we performed the Christian ceremony first. After lighting the unity candle, we performed a Hindu ceremony called the Septa Padi (The Seven Steps). Saresh’s eldest uncle (in the States) read each vow, and we would take a step together for each vow.
I think after the Septa Padi, Saresh placed the marriage necklaces over my head. I don’t remember if there was a reading or something, but I think his uncle officiated that as well. See I Take You, Mr. T for a description of the necklaces and what they represent.
Our program gave background information on each part (both Christian and Hindu), the necklaces, and also printed the entire scripture readings. I had originally decided not to do a program to cut costs, and I didn’t think I needed one. Some good friends convinced me otherwise and offered to put the program together and have it printed as a gift to me and Saresh. I’m glad they did because I had so many people come up to us after the service and say how much they liked the program and learning about the different ceremonies. I even had Indian guests tell me how much they appreciated it because we explained things they’d always wondered about at Hindu weddings! We had done a lot of research for it, and pored over the Bhagavad Gita for hours trying to find appropriate passages, and it was worth it.
The next morning, close family and the wedding party met at the Hindu temple for a short pooja (about an hour) that MIL and FIL had arranged. I wore a sari, which made MIL and all the Indian aunties happy. Many Sanskrit blessings later, everyone went back to MIL and FIL’s house for a lovely Indian brunch.
Also of note: I chose to wear my wedding dress for both the wedding and reception, despite MIL’s protestations. She wanted me to wear a sari for the reception (many Indian brides have a ceremony sari and a reception sari). I did not want to, but that’s an option you should think about. I might have done so had the in-laws been involved earlier and I knew about the sari (or just wasn’t so PO’d at the time). I had already spent the wad on my dress and I wasn’t taking that sucker off for ANYTHING. Had I known or been less angry, I might have chosen a simpler dress, or my mother’s dress probably for the ceremony, and then a sari of MIL’s choosing for the reception. In hindsight, that would have been nice. Something else to consider.
If you find that program, could you send it to me? I just got engaged and he’s Hindu and I’m not. I really don’t want to do two totally separate ceremonies (ie 2 locations, 2 outfits and twice the cost), but I want to respect both cultures and make sure the ceremonies a combination of the two of us. I’m not that familiar with all of the Hindu traditions (but I’m learning!), so I’m looking for any hints on how to combine the two. I’m also really excited you wore white. I’ve found photos of mixed marriages where the guy wore a suit, but, in all the photos I found, the girl wore a sari. I know it’s not the biggest deal and I’ve never had an image of my “dream wedding”, but I guess I always thought of wearing white. I want both of us to be able to feel like ourselves.
By: Megan on March 29, 2008
at 3:40 pm
Megan, in my internet browsing I’ve found a couple of sites that might be of interest to you:
http://www.iyerfamily.net/
The homepage of a white/Indian couple who did a combined ceremony using both traditions.
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/145/story_14584.html
A Beliefnet article on mixed Hindu/Western religion marriages. Some of the couples did two ceremonies, some did one combined one.
Hope that helps!
By: GoriGirl on March 29, 2008
at 8:40 pm
Megan – I still can’t find it, despite massive office cleaning. However, I think my MIL may have a copy, so I’m going to ask her and will post it if she does.
GoriGirl – those were both great links! Thx! Also – liked your blog.
Please come back and chat!
By: colorblindcupid on March 31, 2008
at 2:26 am
Hi – my best friend, Elisabeth, is also marrying a Hindu man. I have really enjoyed learning about the mixed ceremonies and tradition through your postings. I know that you are having a tough time tracking down a copy of your program, but if you ever do find a copy, would you mind sharing one with me? I know that my girlfriend could really use it as several of the things you’ve stated in your posting are things that she would also love to do in their wedding. Any little bit of help would be greatly appreciated, as I’m sure you can relate – it’s a bit overwhelming to plan a Hindu/Christian ceremony. Especially when you don’t have the sligtest clue! Thanks so much. I appreciate any help you can give us!
By: Marie on April 26, 2008
at 1:33 am
Hi Marie – I’m glad you’ve found some things helpful for the wedding! I actually did find the program and recently posted it:
http://colorblindcupid.wordpress.com/2008/04/04/our-wedding-program-a-mixed-christian-hindu-ceremony/
I’m going to remove your e-mail address though since you may not want that out on the www forever and ever.
If you or your friend have any other questions, please let me know. You can also click on the article title listed as the first comment here and that links to another article I wrote about combining the ceremonies (some problems you might encounter and possible solutions).
By: colorblindcupid on April 27, 2008
at 5:54 pm
[...] judecowell wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptHi Marie – I’m glad you’ve found some things helpful for the wedding! I actually did find the program and recently posted it: http://colorblindcupid.wordpress.com/2008/04/04/our-wedding-program-a-mixed-christian-hindu-ceremony/ … [...]
By: Comment on Blender Recipe for a Mixed Christian/Hindu Wedding by … | Wedding Tips Today on April 27, 2008
at 7:14 pm
Hi. I am a white Christian (my dad is a Baptist pastor and my grandfather a Presbyterian minister) and I am recently engaged to a Brahmin Hindu (we dated for 11 1/2 years before getting engaged (I am 29)). Fortunately my MIL has not yet been a problem for the wedding planning – I think after 11 + years she is resigned to my being part of the family. My parents however do not appear to be comfortable with some of the Hindu rituals (specifically walking around the fire as they feel it is praying to another god – a violation of their christian beliefs to worship only one God). Do you have any suggestions as to how to explain the symbolism of the fire to them or am I in for a battle. It is important that we support my fiancee’s culture and traditions and I wish my family was not so close minded. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated as I am feeling so sad and torn between respecting my family and their faith and my fiancee and his culture. Thanks. Your site has been wonderful and informative and I am sure to keep coming back!
By: Jenelle on October 26, 2008
at 5:58 am
Hi Jenelle,
Have you explained to them the significance of the rituals you will be performing? As I understand it (and someone please correct me if I’m wrong – it’s been a long time since I did the rituals!), walking around the fire and the Sapta Padi (seven steps) rituals are to “legalize” the marriage, so to speak. They are essentially vows and how you are to act as a husband and wife. They are not prayers to another god.
We did not do the fire part due to getting married in a church and not being allowed to have fire (go figure
). We did do the Sapta Padi. My wedding program is on the site (linked above, I believe) and we did a largely Christian ceremony with some key Hindu rituals, all of which were explained in the program. Perhaps a written explanation from a book would be useful to your family.
I’m not sure what kind of knowledge base of Hinduism your family has, but if it’s not much, I think just a better detailed explanation in general would help them immensely. Especially regarding the rituals you plan to perform, which I think are beautiful in terms of defining the marriage contract, which is what they are all about. I think it might help them to know more about how marriage in general is viewed in Hinduism and it’s significance and how important the marriage contract is. If they could get a picture of how this is not prayer to any other god, perhaps that would help.
More later…
By: colorblindcupid on October 26, 2008
at 4:07 pm