I added this blog to the blogroll - so many people ask about Indian recipes and cooking and she had some great recipes (with pictures!). Also, she has a nice blogroll compiled of other cooking sites to check out. Yum! You have to let us know if you try any of the recipes though and how it turned out.

I use Bare Escentuals makeup and was recently in the store buying a new eye shadow. I had to chuckle to myself when one of the saleswomen was talking to a new customer, trying to sell her on the product. She told the customer their makeup is “husband proof.”

Customer: “What?”

Saleswoman: “It’s husband proof! It won’t come off on your husband when you give him a kiss!”

Customer: “Ohhhhhh… that would be great!”

I’ve heard them tell people this before and it makes me laugh every time. A lot of makeup companies make this claim about their product - it’s “husband proof” in that it won’t wipe off on your hubby when you kiss or hug. I think this claim works for them with the white women who are married to white guys. Anybody else knows no makeup is “husband proof.” The white couples just don’t realize it because they can’t see it on his face.

Every morning before Saresh goes to work, we have to do a makeup check of his face. Otherwise, he’ll end up going to work with a smudge of Caucasian on his nose. And if we do any more than just kissing, let’s just say he ends up having to wash his whole face!

More makeup problems we’ve encountered as an interracial couple:

If he gets a big zit on his forehead, he can’t even use my concealer to hide it. I don’t recommend trying “Light Ivory” on Indian skin.

Indian beard stubble - it’s like a Brillo pad, or steel wool maybe. One passionate kiss will scrape off any makeup you’ve put on your face in two seconds flat, along with the top layer of skin. Then when you wash your face to start over on your makeup, you dab on your toner and immediately make that “Home Alone” face in pain as the toner stings the heck out of your newly raw cheeks. Then you commence using your Light Ivory concealer to cover up the red marks.

Makeup: Just another peril of interracial relationships.

Middle Chen has a temper problem, mostly because he just turned three. He’s still in that unattractive phase of life where the universe revolves around him, and nobody better hinder his desires unless they want to face his anger. (Yeah…we all know people who never got past that phase. sigh.)

This obviously does not go over well with me. My parenting style is pretty independent - I let my kids have their space, and do what they want (within my boundaries). But I don’t put up with sass, physical fighting, or anything else I wouldn’t want broadcast on the 6:00 news. I’m pretty autocratic in that respect.

Middle Chen and I have been doing the ‘clash of wills’ thing for the past year or so. He knows by now that if he hits someone he’ll be sorry. So now, when he gets angry (which is about 10 times a day still), he will freeze himself into a pose that clearly broadcasts his feelings.

Sometimes he will cock his fist back in the air and just hold it there, with his eyebrows lowered in that “pirate” face of his. He’ll never throw the punch - he knows better. But it’s his way of SHOWING me what he’s feeling. Another fun stance is where he makes two fists, hold them against his face, and growls. Yet another involves him doing a World Wide Wrestling pose, flexing his puny muscles and giving me the John Wayne stance. Usually if I say “Stop being angry”, he’ll stop. It’s hilarious. He just gets into a pose, holds it like he’s doing yoga for a few seconds, and then he gets over it.

I went into the church nursery last week, and he was standing behind a little girl, holding his fist back in that pose. I could tell the girl had done something to make him angry, and he was giving her his best pose - but she had her back to him, completely oblivious! I think I was the only one who saw him do that. I got his attention, and said “stop”. He stopped. I realized that if a stranger saw him standing there like that, they might think he was really going to hit her!

The only reason I’m not seriously worried that the kid is going to be a serial killer is that his personality is normally very laid-back and sweet. He only started with the temper tantrums when he turned 2 (naturally), and they are already throttling back since he turned 3 this spring. We’ve been working on getting our temper under control and not lashing out at people. This means he has learned how to tattle on his playmate, rather than throw a punch. Progress.

It’s gotten to the point where Ang said he has his own version of Tai Chi - “Angry” Tai Chi.

Now Ang comes home from work and asks MC if he’s been practicing his Angry Tai Chi that day. MC doesn’t get the joke of course, but we think it’s hilarious.

I’m just feeling sick reading this today, on top of the cyclone in Myanmar and tornadoes here in the US - it’s been a terrible week for so many people. I’m praying for aid and comfort for everyone who has lost a loved one. I don’t know what else to say other than I’m just so sad.

Ang and I support a little girl in the Guangxi province through WorldVision, so we’re hoping she was far enough away from the epicenter to be okay.

(—Plug for Worldvision and other charities like it — it doesn’t cost too much to support a child through this venue, and I can’t think of a better way to spend money. We support a boy in Kenya and a girl in China, who are getting better nutrition and the opportunity to go to school now. These charities also take one-time donations for disasters such as the earthquake in China.)

***youtube video of the quake by a student***

I know I’ve brought this up in comments before, so if you’ve already read my family Jerry Springer moment, well… just humor me for a long moment…

Growing up, our house shared a large rural lot and driveway with my paternal grandparents. As a kid, I thought it was great – got to see Grandma whenever I wanted and get spoiled rotten. What’s not to like? Ask my mother – she could keep you for hours telling you how much she hated it… now. My mom is a fairly good emotion stuffer and believes the man is the head of the household and you follow what he wants, even if it makes you miserable. So, she silently seethed until she boiled over one fine summer day.

Grandma is a take charge gal, and if you’re a follower type person, she’ll have you saluting her in no time flat. She’s also a wee bit bossy (well, a lot). Between my Grandpa’s family (of 10 siblings), Grandma’s (3 siblings and lots of cousins), and Mom being one of 4 kids, we were at family functions and events ALL THE TIME. Most of them were for Grandma and Grandpa’s side, and Grandma ordered us to all. And we went – even when no one wanted to.

One day, we were going up the driveway and Grandma flags us down. She leans in to tell Mom that we’re to attend some family function that weekend, Mom says “Okay” and starts to pull forward. Then she stops and floors it backwards, spinning gravel out at Grandma like shrapnel. She throws open the door and proceeds to spew out a good 15+ years worth of anger at Grandma. We weren’t so rural that we didn’t have neighbors, all of whom got to witness quite a show while Sister and I slunk down in the back seat, eyes popping out of our heads. We did not attend whatever family function was that weekend. Mom didn’t talk to Grandma for 2 years after that – even though we lived right behind her!

That whole ramble was to explain that I was used to having innumerable family functions to attend… or so I thought. Once I married Saresh, my mind boggled at the number of Indian functions (as D said in a comment – something like 3,569,245 per year). Suddenly my childhood seemed like a vast expanse of free time I had squandered. Luckily, I’m not an emotion stuffer like my mom, and Saresh is capable of saying “No” to his mother when he doesn’t want to do something (unlike my father). Thus we have never attended all 3 million events per year. I think we attend enough important things to (mostly) satisfy family and community obligations while maintaining our sanity. And it’s not like we don’t going - just not to all 3 mil.

For a while, we got invited to everything – every wedding, shower, pooja, dinner, bbq, it’s a full moon, it’s Tuesday – you get the picture. If MIL hosted some event or other, all those invited expected us to attend similar functions they were having, even if it was in a different city! And if you went to one person’s event, everyone there took notice and expected you to attend whatever their next bash was (though my great aunts are a lot like this as well - hence my mom’s meltdown).

Over the years, invites have gone from a flood to just a heavy trickle. We don’t get invited to as much anymore, I think because we don’t attend everything so we’re either forgotten or they just figure we probably wouldn’t come. Also, I think MIL sometimes just mentions things to Saresh and he doesn’t even bother to tell me (probably in case I’d actually want to go and he doesn’t!). At any rate, with our calendar largely to ourselves, CBC and Saresh now commence doing the gleeful happy dance of freedom!

Though sometimes, I freedom dance too soon - like for this Memorial Day weekend. Saresh’s cousins are coming in town and I was trying to plan a night out for all of us and another couple we’re all friends with. I truly don’t know why I bothered. They’re going to be here for 4 days and this is how the schedule has turned out so far:

Friday night: Party at someone’s house (no occasion) - We will likely get invited to this, but we’re not going. However, Saresh’s aunt and uncle have already committed to going and want their kids to go.

Saturday night: Graduation party - this is not a regular graduation party. This is graduation party Indian-style. Three families, one hotel, whole Village. We don’t even know any of the three kids, but we’re going.

Sunday: Big Indian wedding, festivities all day long. We’re not going to this, but cousins and in-laws are.

Monday: Our only day open… so far. I have no doubt someone will plan something that some of us are going to have to attend. Hopefully not (crossing fingers).

We told MIL we’d just have the cousins over to the house on Monday instead and she says, “Oh! That’s a good idea - you can all come here and I’ll cook.” Saresh and I felt bad telling her “No” - it was nice, but we’re going for a “no parents, no more Indian festivities” type of thing. I felt like we were 16, trying to get away unsupervised - just us “kids”.

To all of us moms!

My daughter was watching Dora the Explorer yesterday, and they were running Mother’s Day specials all day - so she was all over this like white on rice.

She came into the den and asked me if she could talk to daddy. I called him at work and let her have the phone, and this is what I overheard:

LM: “Daddy. What are we doing for Mother’s Day?”

Ang: (talks so loud I can hear his half of this convo from several feet away) “Well I think I’ll take you and Middle Chen out for pancakes.”

LM: “Yeah but what are we getting for Mommy?”

Ang: “Hmm. How about some pancakes?”

LM: “I was thinking jewelry. How ’bout a ring?”

(This is where I busted a gut. And waited to hear Ang’s answer)

Ang: “Yeah that sounds nice. Okay I have to get back to work now honey.”

She’s almost 30, I swear.

This is convoluted, so bear with me -

I got quite a few referred hits this week from a U.K. web site called Pickled Politics. Someone put a link to us in the comments, but I got sucked into the article, which required backtracking to figure it all out. I don’t know who all the involved writers are, as I’m ensconced here in the U.S. Midwest, but it all made for fascinating reading while I procrastinate on working!

Apparently, a writer named Ruth Fowler wrote an article on why she likes to date Asian men. I kind of thought the article was all over the place and not necessarily about that, but more of an outlet for how a serious relationship with a Gujarati man went sour because he kept her a secret from his parents (and other sundry insults to her). Or perhaps she had a bad case of white guilt - I couldn’t figure her or the article out.

So then, a writer named Rupa Huq seemed to take offense to the Fowler article, with the requisite, “She made sweeping generalizations about Asians!” blah, blah, blah. The Huq article was better written, IMO, but she definitely got her panties in a wad over something I thought was supposed to be more lighthearted, and a personal experience at that. I didn’t think the Fowler article was offensive. And you know how I’m the ruling authority on sweeping generalizations, so that probably explains why I didn’t think it was offensive.

Here’s where Pickled Politics comes in. Sunny at PP wrote another article in response to these two, entilted, “Why do Asian girls go out with black guys?” I liked Sunny’s article the best (probably because she sounds more like what I’d say, and well, I like me). That’s where the link came in.

At any rate, I thought all three articles were worth a read, especially for a U.K. view of the interracial dating and marriage scene. I’m posting the links to all three here in chronological reading order, so you don’t have to backtrack like I did. Take the rest of the week - you’ll need it (and I really have to work now for a few days straight!):

Ruth Fowler: United Colours
Rupa Huq: Mixed Blessings
Pickled Politics: Why do Asian Girls go out with Black Guys? by Sunny

We always say a prayer before we eat at meal time. Before DD could talk, Saresh and I would alternate who said the prayer at each meal time, and it was usually more along the lines of Thanksgiving prayer (i.e. thanking God for what we have, beyond just that meal), and usually adding in people who were in our thoughts or needed our prayers. We didn’t use a “set” prayer.

When DD started to talk, she started making us all hold hands. Then at the end of the prayer, she would look up and yell, “A - en! Eat!” She couldn’t make the “m” sound. Sometimes, we still tease her and will say “A-en” at the end of a prayer, and she doesn’t get it and says, “You’re saying it wrong. It’s AMMMen, Daddy.” She enunciates the “m” so loudly we crack up every time.

After a while, she started wanting Saresh to say the prayer, not me. She called it “singing” even though she knew the word for it was “pray.” “I want Daddy to sing, Mama.” Sometimes she listened intently, and other times she seemed focused on anything other than the prayer. I love that she thinks of it as singing - in a way it is. She can hear the feeling of praise in his voice, and it sounds very different from when he is just speaking. It is a song of praise in a sense.

We she mastered speaking well, we switched to the meal time gold standard prayer for kids:

God is great; God is good; Let us thank Him for our food. Amen.

We figured she could say the prayer each time and we wanted her to participate. Also, this is the prayer they use at her preschool before snack time, so it’s being reinforced elsewhere.

I always wondered if she “got it” - why we said the prayer, or if she just thought it was something you do before you eat. Then one day she said, “I don’t want to do this prayer [meaning the God is great one]. I want Daddy to sing.” We were so surprised, but he happily obliged her, and every once in a while she asks for him to “sing” either in place of our regular prayer, or sometimes after it. And she’s insistent that we hold hands in a circle, to connect “my family,” as she says.

Also, she asks questions, like “Why do we bow our heads?” She’s the head bowing police - if you don’t do it, the whole table will hear about it. To which we have to remind her that if she was checking to see if other people bowed their heads, that means hers wasn’t bowed either, which gets a sheepish “Oh.” response. If she has Saresh say a prayer, she may ask questions about what he mentioned in the prayer, or she’ll reiterate, “It IS a beautiful day!” I’m pretty sure she understands now, and as her understanding has grown, so has the prayer’s importance to her.

We don’t usually pray at the in-laws, opting to say a silent prayer to ourselves before we eat. However, DD on occasion asks that we all pray there. MIL and FIL don’t seem to mind, and they’ve now memorized “God is great.” I suspect eventually she’ll ask why they don’t pray like we do at meal time; and more likely she’ll ask that we do it every time there.

By far, this past Thanksgiving is my best memory of her “prayer requests.” MIL had the dining table set so the entire extended family could sit together. Not everyone was seated yet and Saresh’s uncle started to eat. DD yells, “Don’t eat! We haven’t said our prayer!” Bemused, he waited until everyone sat and then she announces that we all must hold hands and then “Daddy will sing.” Like a queen, she gave Saresh the nod to begin the prayer and I was laughing inside with great pride and amusement.

She may not know what the word “Amen” means, but she is a force in manifesting it. I love reflecting on that moment when her order request brought two cultures together to hold hands and reflect on the massive blessings that God has bestowed on our families. Amen.

It’s that time again. Here were my favorites from my magazine this time (truly, if they’d print the articles in English, I really would have something else to read!). My comments in brackets (typos appear as printed, and I left the personal descriptions out):

US based sister and brother-in-law seek alliance from honest [Liars need not apply] and well settled Professionals for … wise, fair, good looking. [The "wise" part just made me giggle. I don't know why - don't recall seeing that before. I just get a picture of an old wise woman, when I know that's not what they mean.]

Parents invite alliance from well educated, never married before well educated handsome boys for their beautiful daughter… [Did we say well educated? Because we really only want well educated applicants.]

… parents seek alliance for their MD daughter, slim pretty, genuine, outgoing daughter … MD preferred. Caste no bar. [Our other daughter is SO FAKE. But this one - she's really genuine.]

Handsome Investment Banker in XXX … Income above $200K, US born & Graduated (with honors). … family seek interest with details & photo from a nice, fair US employed professional girl above 5′ 2″. [I can't figure out if I like the first half, or if I should roll my eyes. On the one hand, you just put out there what the prospective bride families really want to know anyway. I like that they were just up front with it. On the other hand, well... I get a mega superficial vibe - like they're not even making a pretense of pretending they don't care about these things. Is that what you want for a husband? Or at least his family (he may be great). As for the girl, I think they should have written it different to match the first half, because that part is all matrimonial pretense. They should go with their in your face style, like the first half - something like, "Bitchy, dark skinned, short women need not apply. We'll just throw your biodata in the crapper."]

Two words I always find useless funny to use in these ads:

“handsome” - Of course you want attractive people, but really - what parent of a prospect (or the applicant themselves) is going to go, “Well… if they only want handsome people, my kid is just too ugly to apply.”? Also of note, EVERY single one of the Male Matrimonials listed the potential groom as “handsome.” I’m thinking if they were all so gosh-darn handsome, they would not be blind advertising in a magazine.

“fair” - I know I always say this, but seriously, they just need a blanket statement at the top of the page (”All potential brides and grooms featured here are fair.”). Then these people can use up their word limits with something more useful. Come on - every single girl is not fair and beautiful, and all the supposedly “handsome” grooms’ families shouldn’t be narrowing the potential applicants anymore than they already are. Besides, as with “handsome” above, who is really not going to send a pic because they think their child isn’t “fair” enough? And it’s just ridiculously vague anyway - how fair? If they’re going to use it, they should be really specific, like, “Seeking Brach’s Caramels shades and lighter only. A nice shade of whole wheat bread would be perfect. Graham cracker and darker shades need not send biodata.”

I will say I was pleased this time to notice not one ad called the girls homely.

For a hysterical (and slightly gross) matrimonial, check out rabbit647’s blog, The Rabbit Gets His Day. I’m pleased to know other people find some of these as funny as I do.

Mildred Loving, matriarch of interracial marriage, dies

I just wanted to pay homage to a great woman who paved the way for so many of us. Here’s another part to her story on the the Loving Day web site. The Loving Day web site has fabulous information on the court history of interracial marriage, real couple testimonies, resources for interracial couples, and more. You can always find the link under our blogroll in “Resources.”

We’re actually going to be having a Loving Day party in June on Colorblind Cupid. Watch for details soon on how you can participate in the festivities!